5 posts tagged “alcoholism”
This weekend reinforced for me that alcoholism is a family disease. I think the scariest part of it is that even if the alcoholic gets better, the family members don't always follow suit and they end up being sicker than the alcoholic in the end.
The thing that happens to the family members is so insidious, so cunning, that most people aren't aware that there is a problem. There's a great analogy to illustrate what happens in an alcoholic home.
If you put a frog into a pan of boiling water, it will jump out faster than the eye can see. But if you put the frog into a pan of water that is the frog's body temperature and then slowly turn up the heat the frog will stay in the water -- even to the point of boiling alive. Why? Because the frog does not notice the gradual change in temperature.
From About.com
I don't want to go into too many more details... but this is just a big reminder for me about how important it is to stay on the path of recovery. My husband and I both are appreciating the power of recovery and the rewards it has brought to our household tonight.
One of the things I hear a lot in my meetings is how people went to "treatment" and that's where they found AA. I'm glad that Alcoholism Information Treatment Centers are so prevalent these days so people can get help. When AA first started, there was no such thing. People suffered for long periods of time and were so much worse off in their disease than people today have to be. And that's a good thing.
I went to a happy hour on Friday night for a coworker who is leaving the company. I don't make a habit of going to any happy hours, as I just don't really have much business being in a bar. It's nice to know, though, that I don't have to be completely fearful of entering a bar. I can be there without feeling tempted to drink, which is just such a miracle.
I made some interesting observations while I was there - one in particular made me stop in my tracks. One of the coworkers' families were there for a surprise party for her aunt. Another aunt also showed up who happened to know another one of my coworkers. These two used to be really close friends in high school and drifted apart over the years. The one coworker was crying after seeing her and I got to notice right away how uncomfortable two of my other coworkers were by this. They both kept grabbing her drink and saying, "Here. Have a drink." They just couldn't handle someone having actual emotions and feelings. No wonder I used to suppress my feelings with food, alcohol and other substances my whole life - that's what society teaches us to do, really. It's just all the more dangerous for those with addictive personalities.
I was able to lend the sensitive coworker an ear and a shoulder as well as words to let her know that I thought it was great she was able to feel her feelings and not shove them down. I think she really appreciated my words. I wish someone would have said similar things to me many years ago.
I just got back from a trip to Vegas.
If there was ever a place to challenge your sobriety and abstinence from compulsive overeating, Vegas would be it.
I'm happy to say that I survived the trip not only with both intact, but also with complete serenity and sanity. I did have one moment where my head said, "You could have ONE drink and be okay." Thankfully that happened while I was rushing back to my hotel room to get something real quick and then returning to a meeting - there wasn't a real opportunity to drink there.
I knew by having that thought, though, that I needed to be extra diligent and close to my Higher Power. I prayed and asked God to protect my sobriety during my trip. It worked. I went out Friday night to one of the most happening clubs on the strip, staying there until around 2 in the morning and remaining completely sober the entire time. I had a blast, too! I was out on the dance floor, shaking my booty and just generally having a good time people watching and hanging out. It's not something I'd do every Friday night, but it was okay for me while I was there. I was extremely grateful to realize that I could have just as good of a time as everyone else that was there drinking their behinds off. The next morning, I only had to deal with a lack of sleep, not a hangover on top of it. How nice was that? REALLY NICE.
The food there was not easy, either. Even though I planned ahead and ordered special food, the hotel didn't always get it right. I did the best I could, though, and got through it just fine. I was glad to be home and making my own food again - that is for sure.
All in all, it was an excellent trip and I'm glad I went and enjoyed myself and got to be a part of the whole experience instead of going to bed before midnight like I did last year.
One of the reasons I go to recovery meetings for my addictions on a regular basis is to be reminded of what daily life was like before, because forgetting that can be deadly. Seriously.
And it is so easy to forget for some reason. When I think about the things I used to do, it's amazing that I could ever forget it, but I do. And I hear from other addicts that this is very common - it's one of the things that cause many people to go into relapse.
You know, right before I found my way into my first 12-step room, my days and nights looked a lot like this:
Morning - wake up, hungover with a throbbing headache and stumble my way into the bathroom to vomit, thinking the whole time that I was NOT going to drink tonight. No way, no how. Tomorrow morning, I would not be kneeling on a cold, dirty bathroom floor puking up the night befores massive quantities of food and alcohol. And I believed those thoughts with all my heart.
I'd have to compose myself to get Connor up and ready for the bus. I was rarely dressed going out there, always in my PJs with slippers, hair a mess. Once back inside, I either headed for the bed or the pantry. Aric was only 4 and was home with me, but that had no effect on what I did with my time, really. If I was in really bad shape, I'd be back in bed for hours, setting him up in front of the TV or with video games. When he wa hungry and bugged me to get him something to eat, I usually snapped at him to leave me alone.
It's so sad to think back on this time. It could have been so idealistic. I was working from home (that's a joke in itself) and had all day with my baby ... and I basically blew it because I was so caught up in the eating and drinking.
By mid-day, I'd be up and on the computer after getting myself something sweet to eat. It had to be sweet, as my body was withdrawaling from sugar after having so much liquor the night before. Meals usually consisted of ice cream or cake or something like that. And it wasn't just a little ice cream or cake... we're talking pints of Ben & Jerry's, full cakes, boxes of doughnuts. Of course, all that sweetness would make me crave something salty, so a bag of Doritos was usually a good chaser.
Close to the time Rob was due home from work, I'd start getting myself together and straightening the apartment up from the mess that was made all day while I laid in bed or sat on the computer. And I'd be feeling better by this time, which began the slipping away of my resolve to not drink that night. Slowly it turned into, "Maybe I'll just have a beer with dinner." The lies I told myself.
By night time, I was fully recovered and ready to begin the cycle all over again, but telling myself I wouldn't drink as much so I wouldn't be hungover the next morning. Of course, that didn't happen and before I knew it, I'd be throwing back the shots and chugging the beers like they were water. Which, of course, led to the next morning being right back where I started.
What a sad existance, huh? It wasn't like this all of the time - there were times when I'd go a few days without drinking. But I'd always eventually want to have that "one beer with dinner". And even if I wasn't drinking - the eating never stopped. There were really no breaks from that.
This post is getting long... but I've barely touched the tip of the iceberg with this. I haven't talked about the obsession - that never-ending drive to get more, more, more that pervading my every waking moment. That can be for another day. But for now, this is good for me to type out and stay in touch with... I don't want to ever forget where I came from.
