4 posts tagged “weight”

I forgot to weigh on the 1st and the 2nd this month, so I weighed today.  I finally bought a scale for our house, so I don't have to wait until I'm at work to weigh any more.  I also can weigh with no clothes on, which means I totally lost weight this month.  Woot!  Ha!

I'm down to 166 - go me.  I'm not sure what the number would have been at work, fully clothed, but this is my new benchmark since I'll be using this scale from now on. 

Today was weigh day for me - I always weigh on the 1st of the month (or close to it).  I guess it's a good indicator of my state of mind where the physical recovery is concerned when I can't remember what I weighed last month.  I really should start writing this down again.  I do believe that the weight either stayed the same or I lost a pound, so that is good.  I'm right on the cusp of going down to the next set of 10's... I never thought I'd see those numbers again in my life after I got married.  In fact, the last time I was here was before I got married.  Pretty amazing stuff happens when I just follow a food plan every day, one day at a time.  :-)

For most of my life I let the numbers on the scale have so much power over me.  They decided if I was going to have a good day, a bad day or somewhere in between.   If the numbers were lower than expected, I had a "great day" because I felt better about myself and walked around with my head held high.  "The scale said I am a good girl, therefore it must be true."

If the numbers stayed the same or were about what I expected them to be, I would have a "so-so day".  I wasn't too elated or excited in general and felt like while I wasn't worthless, I could definitely be doing better. 

But if those numbers went up (and Lord, did they ever do that), my day was wasted.  I spent the entire time obsessing over how much of a failure I was.  I couldn't possibly be fit to walk on the planet with others who were a normal weight or those who didn't struggle with weight (food!) issues at all.  The entire day was devoted to either completely pigging out because I felt like there was no hope for me - or starvation as punishment.  There was no middle ground, no sanity.

Today, I realize that I am the same person I went to bed as the night before, the same person I woke up as ... after I get on the scale, no matter what those numbers say.  I don't let the numbers determine my destiny, my mood, my ability (or lack thereof) to function.  I measure my worth on a far greater scale these days:  my behavior, my emotional, spiritual and physical sobriety are all much bigger indicators of how I am as a person than what any number on a scale could ever be.

Granted, when those numbers go down today, I still get excited.  Lifetime habits don't die over night.  But, I try to keep it in perspective.  The numbers going down simply mean that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and that my food plan is working.  That's all.  The numbers going up means I need to take a look at my food consumption - have I been sloppy in weighing and measuring?  Have I been going out to eat a lot?  Have I been making higher calorie choices more often than not?  I realize I need to make adjustments and make plans to do so - and I go on with my day.  It's such a liberating thing.

And so I don't subject myself to possible insanity too often, I only weigh myself once a month.  This way I have an indicator of how I'm doing on my food plan and don't get a chance to go in denial about any possible problems, and yet I don't spend too much time focusing on the weight either.  The weight, just like the food, is just but a symptom. 

Do the numbers on the scale have too much power over you?

Tomorrow is weigh day.  I weigh myself once a month - as close to the first of the month as possible.  I don't keep a scale at home, so I weigh the first work day of each month.  I'm pretty sure the number is going to go down this month.  I've been eating so clean the past few weeks - weighing and measuring almost every morsel that goes in my mouth.  I've also been keeping track of the caloric intake of foods and making smarter choices like less beef and more chicken and fish. 

I want to post tomorrow about why I only weigh once a month and how I was a slave to the numbers on that scale for so many years.  Until then...